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Parents and Teenagers are you out there?
Posted By: Adam on September 1, 2010 in Uncategorized - Comments: 9 Comments »
Hi! I’m Grade ten and I need help with a Life Orientation project. I’ve been working on it for two weeks now and it is due on Monday. To make a long story short, I am required to gather information on other teenagers’ and parents’ views on teenage sex – or, to be more precise – sex before marriage and dating boundaries. I’m actually supposed to conduct ‘real – life’ interviews but – since we are not permitted to use our own classmates – I could only interview my friends’ parents. So, if you are a teen/parent, do you think it is wrong/right for teens to engage in sexual relations and then why? Also, there was a few parents that I interviewed who think christian teens should not date due to a couple of reasons, namely, ‘It teaches them to divorce when they make up and break up’ or ‘The only reason why people should date is when they are looking for someone to marry and teenagers are too young for such things’. I’ve never dated, so do you agree with these statements or not? Why? It would be interesting to hear your views on this hotly debated topic.
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parent answer – i believe teens shouldn’t have sex until at least 16 or 17.i am non religious but i believe that sex is part of growing up and teens need to know how to do it safely and a responsibly, why oh why do these people think you should only be with one person for ever no matter if they beat you or treat you bad because of marriage. that is such BS i believe that happiness and contentment and respect matter more than the judgments of some thing/body that no person alive has seen. but i feel that sex is a beautiful natural thing when done with love and safety .. unless it comes to my daughters they cant have sex till their 30. JK
“do you think it is wrong/right for teens to engage in sexual relations and then why?”
I think it is Ok But you need to have a certain GPA to do it. Dumb people shouldn’t reproduce at such a young age, that’s simply reckless.
“do you agree with these statements?”
Yes, because I believe many times people marry thinking they love each other but in reality, their love is simply curiosity, That’s why they say opposites attract, because they are curious, not in love and they usually lose their “love” in a few years.
But if they dated as teens, their curiosity would be set to a norm and when they grow up, they will look to marry for love, which they have come to understand much more with practice.
Teenager’s answer:
I’m not religious in the slightest, and I don’t see sex before marriage as “wrong” or “immoral”. It’s a personal choice. There’s nothing wrong with teenagers having sex, as long as they’re making the decision for themselves (i.e. they’re not being pressured) and use reliable protection (like the pill or implant, combined with condoms). Having sex at 16 as opposed to 26, or before marriage rather than when the ring’s on your finger, doesn’t make you a less worthy or less ‘pure’ person.
I know waiting until marriage is seen by many as the “better” thing to do; but in fact, there were a lot of reasons for me why NOT waiting until marriage was the way to go.
♥ It’s the 21st century, and contraception has never been cheaper, easier to use, or more effective. Sex doesn’t have to mean pregnancy any more.
♥ Sex doesn’t make anyone impure or dirty. It’s natural.
♥ Lust and love are two different things.
♥ I wouldn’t want to sleep with only one person my entire life. How boring.
♥ Sex is a big part of a romantic relationship. What if you found out you and your husband were sexually incompatible AFTER the wedding? Horror.
♥ The average age for getting married is getting later and later. What if I didn’t get married until I was 30? I’d already be past my physical best. You only have the body of a 20 year old once..
♥ I like being able to fall in and out of love and enjoy sex without being ‘tied down’ to one person yet. I’m only young.
♥ I won’t be left feeling like I’ve “left out” and contemplating a midlife crisis when I reach 40.
♥ What are the chances of my future husband waiting until marriage too? Isn’t it kind of outdated and sexist to expect a woman to remain ‘pure’, while it’s okay for a man to be experienced? (No, wait, it’s more than ‘kind of’. It IS sexist and outdated).
♥ If I ever got married, it would be for love. Because I’ve enjoyed my youth, dated around, ‘played the field’, and am finally ready to settle down with one person for life. NOT because I just wanted to have sex.
As for the idea that dating is looking for someone to marry, that’s ridiculous. How can you possibly know what you want in a partner if you marry the first person you ever date? Dating can and should be for the sake of it too.
Teen answer: No sex before marriage isn’t bad if you could find yourself marrying that person one day. Teens may be too young to marry, but when they are like 20-something they could mary their high shool sweet heart…Promiscous behavior on the other hand is something totally different.
i don’t believe it should be saved for marriage, but teens shouldn’t be doing it, its to much of a responsibility to handle when you are 13-17, after 18 i think you are more in adult situations and could handle sex
I am the parent of two girls,16 and 27,and am not a fan of teen sex.Teenagers have a tendency to think they have the ability to make good decisions because they are smart and they can make reasoned arguments,when in truth their brains are in a stage where they are mostly incapable of predicting consequences and their frontal lobes have not developed to the stage where they can prevent the desire to avoid unreasonable risk taking.
Even aside from the risk of pregnancy girls tend to base their self worth on the opinions of others.The temptation is in thinking that boys are telling the truth when they say,”I love you”,when they are so hyper-focused on the constant stream of hormones that make them think about sex almost constantly.Girls also have raging hormones,but often they are focused more on attachment as a result of sex than the act itself.
My advice to girls is to participate in sports,or focus on academic achievement.Self worth improves greatly when it is based on personal accomplishment rather than the opinions of others.It is called internal locus of control versus external locus of control.Maturity means you can accomplish things because you have the ability in and of yourself to make decisions without someone else telling you what needs to be done.
I think people (hopefully a little older than yourself) need to date a few people in order to discover what it is they really want in partner.
well you know you boundaries right? put some in your perspective. i think that if teen swanna have sex they should be responsible or at least wait till like 16-17 because thats when you know if you want to have sex or not… good luck girl.
jelly= teenager
p.s. i dont think its wrong havin sex b4 marriage its like driving a car you have to test drive it b4 you wanna buy it right?
I have 5 kids, ages 20, 19, 16, 9, and 3 months. The 19 year old just made me a grandmother out of wedlock, and I know her relationship with the baby’s father is not going to last because they don’t like each other. I will end up taking care of her, her baby, and my baby all at once. I did not volunteer for the responsibility, and frankly, I don’t want to do it. I want to enjoy my own baby. The 16-year-old, a boy, is engaged to a beautiful girl that he truly loves, but is not very responsible yet. They want to have a baby even though she is the only one working and won’t be able to work when she does have the baby. I wish they would wait until he grows up.
To summarize, the problem with premarital relations is that the commitment of marriage helps to ensure that the baby will have both parents, which they desperately need. They need to wait until they are prepared for the consequences and truly commited to each other. Otherwise the baby suffers.
I’m 13, non-religious, I think the statements the parents made about christian teens dating are kinda stupid, dating is practice for having relationships, meeting people, etc. Without it, they’d end up marrying someone without having had any experience in any of that stuff.
I think teenagers shouldn’t have sex until they’re at least 15 or somewhere around that, but it would also depend on their responsibility and maturity. Also, they should use condoms/birth control, and should be in a long-term relationship with the person first. Long-term meaning they’ve been together at least 6 months.
As you can probably tell, I think sex before marriage is fine, as long as people know what they’re doing. If they’re not married, they probably should use contraception, and not have kids until they’re married, and/or at least 21 or so, and/or been in a relationship for like a year.
I also think people/kids/teenagers should be allowed to start dating whenever they want. With some boundaries, like nothing further than kissing until they’re at least 12 or 13, and nothing sexual until they’re at least 14 or something.
Anyway, I hope I was at least a bit helpful!
By the way, did you say you’re in 10th grade and you never dated? I’m in 7th grade (well, the Irish equivalent I think) and I’ve had a relationship…
Anyway, good luck on your project!